At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize