no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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