i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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