I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize