yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
