omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
