i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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