Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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