Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
