I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
