dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
