I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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