dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
