he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
