This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
