There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
How naked do you want me to be?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
