I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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