Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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