Cold hands, warm shart.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
