Only a mothe r could love this liver
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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