so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I need to sanitize my soul.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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