i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Sorry about my life...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
