I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
