Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
FUCK WHALES
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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