I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
