You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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