No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
