if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
