I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
