they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
It was confusing and full of hummus
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
