Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
