my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
