She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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