Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
That accounts for only three of the penises
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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