so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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