her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
