Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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