you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
