I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That was before I lit my hair on fire
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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