you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
