Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
