He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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