Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
