It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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