Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
