it was like his penis was on wheels.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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