adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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