Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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