No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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