To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
