O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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