I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
