getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
