My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
We named our party play list daddy issues
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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