you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
