I'm laying in your front yard are you home
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
