What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
