You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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