If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
