this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
