I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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