conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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