meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
