I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
