so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
