I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
