JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It's official drugs can't kill me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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