i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
