we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
